Fisher, Bernice & Roberta Galler (1988). Friendship and Fairness: How Disability Affects Friendship Between Women, pp 172-194 in Michelle Fine and Adrienne Asch (eds.). Women With Disabilities: Essays in Psychology, Culture, and Politics (Philadephia: Temple University Press).
Rowlands, Allison (2001). Breaking My Head in the Prime of My Life: Acquired Disability in Young Adulthood, pp. 179-191 in Mark Priestley, Disability and the Life Course (Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press).
Shakespeare, Tom (1996). Power and Prejudice: Issues of Gender, Sexuality and Disability, pp 191-214 in Len Barton (ed.). Disability & Society: Emerging Issues and Insights (London; Longman).
The authors in this week’s comment paper address relationships from a disabled person’s perspective. The three articles relate to each other because they each discuss what friendships mean to a disabled person, and the goals and dreams of the disabled people they interviewed. These articles are similar because they each acquired information from disabled individuals. The authors addressed the issue of friendship from an individual’s perspective. These articles also contradict themselves when it came to the individuals of different gender that were interviewed, and the extent to which the authors talked about friendship. The first article by Fisher and Galler mainly described friendship among disabled and non-disabled women and the issues they face. It talks about how “caring, empathy, and common interests” bring these women together” and how “political dimensions, such as: opportunity, reciprocity, and responsibility” affects their friendships (Fisher and Galler 1988, p. 173-175). The second article by Rowlands talked about the before and after experiences of a young male named Peter that has a brain injury due to a vehicle accident at a young age. The last article by Shakespeare, talks about the experiences of disabled people in gender and sexuality. It talks about various assumptions society has about disabled people and the limitations those assumptions led to. The assumptions are such as: the stereotypical image we have of a disabled person “a young male that is white and in a wheelchair” (Shakespeare 1996, p. 195). Another assumption as argued by Shakespeare about our society, is that disabled people cannot experience love or physical sexual activities.
To really understand the reasons behind the stereotypes and negative attitude disabled people receive in our society, we have to think of the assumptions created by the society. Shakespeare highlighted a really important issue among disabled people. He argued that “there is an assumption in our society that disabled people especially those who have high physical dependency or who cannot communicate, are less than human” (Shakespeare, 1996, p. 207). Meaning it is the social definition that is shaping what we classify as disability and how we view it. It is also the social definition that causes issues among friendship, gender, intimacy, and sexuality to arise among disabled people. The social definition also affects disabled people’s friendship by making them hide their experiences or expressions. As argued by Fisher and Galler, “visible disability often causes the non-disabled to guard themselves or to withdraw entirely, they cannot imagine becoming friends with a disabled person” (Fisher and Galler 1988, p. 176).
In conclusion, our society has non-considerate definition of disability, friendship, intimacy and gender activities. From Shakespeare’s argument, the fact that gender in the Western society is in transition, makes it even harder for a disabled person. For a disabled person, it is not easy because the society offers a narrow range of options. As seen in the case study of Peter, his friends are chosen for him by his community and it is to reduce the burden of his family. We can see that a person who was not born disabled, loses friends after becoming disabled, and people with physical disabilities, have limited choices on the people they can become friends with. Even when disabled people are friends with non-disabled people, there are various experiences felt because a disabled person finds the need to hide their disability, and non-disabled people can barely tell the difference between physical needs and emotional needs. Therefore, relationships between disabled and non-disabled people are socially embedded with fear, because disabled people and fear occupy a similar space within a society.
Tracy A.
5 comments:
I think you made some very important points in your last paragraph Tracy, regarding friendships between those with and without impairments. It does seem as if friendships are 'staged' for those with impairments, through a sort of advanced playdate . . . planned group outings and events that rarely include individuals without impairments other than support workers.
In the article about Peter, he raised the topic of respite workers, whom he paid for. The same scenario arose in the Rory O'Shea video we just watched in class. In Thunder Bay we have several organizations that provide free respite to families, whether through volunteers or paid employees. I know of at least one of these agencies who encourage friendships between their staff and participants in their services. There are however, still professional boundaries one needs to keep in mind.
My question is, can a 'real' friendship be formed within these relationships? Often the workers are with the same individual several times a week, for a period spanning well over a year. A relationship undoubtedly forms, but is it one of familiarity rather than genuine friendship?
I agree with the majority of the facts presented, however I am not 100% convinced on the structure of society’s beliefs. We constantly express our condolences and gratitude towards disabled people, and remind ourselves how fortunate we are to have friendships which are not “staged”. Having said this, let’s try and put ourselves in a disabled person’s situation. “Visible disability often causes the non-disabled to guard themselves or to withdraw entirely; they cannot imagine becoming friends with a disabled person” (Fisher and Galler 1988, p. 176). I feel that disabled individuals are fortunate to not have these judgemental individuals as their friends. People of impairment have been through many hardships in their lives, and to have friends who constantly judge them, and withdraw themselves, would only add to the list of pitfalls in their life. We should express our condolences to the “norms” of society, as these individuals are the ones who are allowing a stereotypical trend, to construct a barrier between themselves and a possible friend who may have so much to offer. Disabled people will find friends who see the inner beauty of an individual, and for the able-bodied individuals who use stereotypes as a basis for judgement; they are the people who are coming out on the short end of the stick!
Being able to have a relationship with a disabled person as a friend is important and in many cases the relationship works in the same way that a relationship between two able bodied people would.
One of my best friends is disabled not quite sure what he has, never asked, but he is an amazing cook and him and I would cook amazing meals together, he was always teaching me something new in the kitechen, and we still have a great friendship today now that I am in Thunder Bay and he is in Toronto.
I think the question that Shauna posed was a good question..wether the relationship that forms is one of familiarity rather than genuine friendship. That is an interesting question that probably cannot have a generalized answer because it probably depends on the situation and the individuals. I think it may also depend on wether or not the respite worker is a paid worker or a volunteer, although maybe not. From my point of view, I see a volunteer choosing to spend time with this certain individual for however many hours per week and fitting them into their schedule the way they would fit any friend into their schedule. While a paid worker is just that, being paid to hang out with the individual and once their paid role is complete it would be less likely that they would squeeze the individual into their schedule during the week when they are not being paid to do so. I don't want to step on any toes and I am for respite care, I just thought that this was a very thought provoking question.
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